2023 Recap and, “Why do you run?”

Originally written 30 Dec, this post stayed in my blog drafts folder on gDrive for a while.

This post might be a long-winded, unintentional answer to that question. 

This year started with me doing a lot of things that I love to do, both at work and outside of work. And, one-by-one, things started to fall apart. I went through a few big changes each season, though, notably the bigger changes happened from winter to late summer. 

Sometimes, we make decisions for our own wellbeing that wind up unfortunately messy. I made a few of those. Other times, we make decisions as knee-jerk reactions that result in terrific, unparalleled chaos. I made a few of those. Occasionally, we make decisions that work out and lead us to a happier place. I made many of those. These moments were high and low. I keep my texts forever, and there are plenty in my SMS-graveyard that caused an extra hefty cringe (or several rounds of box breathing) upon re-reading. There are others that are silly to the point of hurt-my-stomach-laughs. I re-read a text earlier today that made me laugh so hard I cried, a full eight months after it was sent to me. I guess the synopsis is, the year wasn’t overall good nor overall bad. I see fantastic, good, bad, and disastrous moments sprinkled throughout. I see growth and maturity. Hindsight is a gift. 

There are a few things I feel I’m still trying to master. Themes, if you will. The big one is that I care too much about my reputation and my image. I raised a little hell this year, trying to discern who I am from who I pretend to be. I don’t think I regret most of it. Some of it, sure. But, hey. I learned how hot a stove can get by placing my hand on a burner when I was five. You think I’ve touched a stove burner since? 

Some angsty Canadian wrote a whole song about what I’m describing. Another says what I’m feeling during 85% of my risk-taking moments, “bad decisions give me good things to think about.” And, I closed out the year with this track on repeat. I’m taking it as a sign to get my passport renewed and book a flight to Vancouver. 

Moving forward, I’m going to continue to listen to my inner dreamer and ignore my inner critic. The hardest and most rewarding decisions I made in 2023 happened while choosing the unknown path. I discovered that combining curiosity and forgiveness is the secret to joy and peace. When I’m especially stuck on a moment, I’m going to keep hitting the gym or the pavement. Running and related fitness activities have been a consistent escape from sadness, guilt, and sometimes overwhelming anxiety while navigating my life. 

I’m grateful to be able to do something that’s good for my body and mind. And jamming out to the Canadians while I’m doing it: always a good time. 

KK GOTTA GO, BYE. SEE YOU NEXT YEAR!!

PS - 2023 wrap up playlist here.

Here’s a picture of some secret stairs for a secret blog post.